I confess. I am writing this post because I’m triggered.
A while ago I met a lady, very educated and a principal of a very renowned school of Pakistan. I’ve known her for two years now and she makes sure I always stay updated on her venture of Baby # 3. Hitting a few conception roadblocks in the last year (completely ignoring my continuous roadblocks for the past 11 years), she would tell me how she conceived like she did the last cycle like she did the last cycle to that and the last cycle to the last cycle also. Do the math and you’d know how likely that is. Doesn’t need much brain cells.
So today our conversation went on like this
Her: I got my period again.
Her: I tried the injections too.
Her: The ones you suggested.
Me: Wait, me? When?
Her: *Some illogical baat.*
Me: But I didn’t…
Her: (cuts me off) The doctor was so rude. I called her and she said I have fertility issues and I would need a lot of money for the treatment I need.
Me: That’s rude…
Her: (cuts me off again) I mean, how can she say I have fertility issues!!!
Me: Whoa.. what?
Me: Wait, what bothered you? The fertility remark or the money remark?
Her: Money too, but HOW DARE SHE SAY I HAVE FERTILITY ISSUE!
Stumped, right? I was too.
But sadly this is the common mindset. What makes it disturbing is that this sort of mentality is coming from a woman who is responsible for the education and grooming of a large number of children in our society.
When I started blogging again for The Pakistani Woman, I wanted to write on various topics related to women, with female fertility topping the list. I do not write on it now. Why? Because it’s one of the most emotionally draining task I do. And very, very thankless job at that.
Seeing such remarks and mentality coming from people of so called education just makes my heart sink. As if the uneducated population of Pakistan wasn’t enough, we have many educated people to deal with too, those who have crap stuffed in their enlightened minds.
Why does it have to be a uterus? The pride I mean. What is it about the uterus that we cannot get over? Women who conceive easily should be on the forefoot advocating the absolute miracle of life that is a child. Why is it that sometimes they become pain givers to those who have no control over the life nourishing ability of their bodies?
STOP MEASURING us with a body part. Our brains are not situated there. Our brains are up in our heads and that is where the real wonder lies. Ever tried understanding us? Knowing us, like really?
Having a child is a gift. It’s not a deserved bounty. It’s something you can never ever deserve. You bear the burden of your children’s souls on your shoulders. God help you, because parenting is so so hard, and that’s why the reward is equally great.
But us? Poor lonely women with broken fertilities and scarred uteruses? You think we have no share? Uttering a dramatic “Oh!” each time you find out we are married for years without children is very pointless. Perhaps you thought life wasn’t fair to us. That probably Allah was not fair when it came to giving us our gifts? Does it mean you do not believe that Allah is All Just? All Fair? The One Who executes Perfect Balance?
Do you think you can dare to suggest something fairer? That you have better wisdom in the way everything is balanced out?
I rest my case.