Mehreen Farhan

I always struggle with one thing in my blog titles: just how much to capitalize. If I follow the rule book, this will be hardly a blog and would be just another… matter-of-fact piece.

What makes a true blog, you ask? Something that speaks volumes about you past the obvious text. Your opinions, your style, your voice.

Do you know how difficult it is to find that power, especially in our society? It’s not difficult at all. It’s as simple as deciding whether you should capitalize each word in a blog title or come up with your own rule.

What is it that you really want? When was the last time someone asked you this question? Like, sat you down, looked into your eyes, held your hands? Never, right? That’s the point. You come to your own rescue.

Too many of us women end up being so wound up in our daily duties, that we forget who we were before all of this craziness started. It’s either the routine, the duties, or the mold of normalcy society has decided for us.

Which reminds me… I once had a mold too.

Despite living a life many would covet, I actually had nothing. You see, gratefulness and being content is a state of mind. If you are grateful, then even the smallest things become big. If you are ungrateful, you can have everything in the world and still not be able to enjoy them.

Back in 2013, I was obsessed with getting pregnant. My marriage was five years old and I was an active, healthy woman in my twenties with a bright chance of embracing motherhood anytime soon. I never became a mom. At least not up till now. But what I did wrong with myself was this: my whole idea of a life revolved around achieving that normalcy society had carved out for women in general.

I beat myself crazy at being stupid.

I decided everything could wait till the baby came (a baby with no sign yet!). My home could have been better furnished, but when the baby came. I could learn some creative meals, but once I had someone tiny to feed. I could get into shape today, but what if there was a bean in my bun (or whatever it is you call them), so I shouldn’t work out. I could be happy today, but no. I told myself I could be only truly happy when a baby was in my arms. Pregnancy and motherhood was a “state of happiness” I wanted to achieve. I wasn’t pressurized into it by anyone but, sadly, my own self.

Guess no one was coming to save me from myself. I forgot that the only reality I need to live, was my own.

I do not have a strict opinion of normalcy, but well, in my twenties, I was a silly woman who hadn’t yet realized lives could be completely different and still be normal.

There’s a whole life cycle of coping with it all, you know: embracing a normalcy of your own kind. I’m no expert on this but if you asked me what that was like for me, here’s what it would look like.

It’s not as easy as it looks. Enlightenment, personal evolution and growth are things that take a lot of heart ache, sweat and time. We would never bother getting there if we weren’t pushed and tested by the odds against us. The odds, in fact, are there to nudge you off our couch and our intellectual slumber and bring out a new you.

I wanted to talk about my struggle because for me, that seems to be the birth of a new me. I realized that my life was normal as it was. I didn’t have to be someone else to be that. The fact that I was living this life already meant I could just be.

Normalcy was as simple as that.

This personal struggle made me recognize the different ways women my age were clinging to their ideas of normalcy and trying to define themselves through it.

What they didn’t see, was the beauty of their struggle.

While they thought they could only be complete and successful if they achieved that ideal state, I saw who they were in that struggle itself. The struggle, the getting-there, the resilience was who they really were. And it was beautiful!

Credits: Society6, Of The Stars Art Print

Women wake up each day with a ready to-do list, a list on which every item served someone other than themselves. It does not matter how tired they are, but they get shit done. They would sleep with peace that night, telling themselves, I did everything I could today, I gave my best version to those I love, only to wake up the next morning and do it all over again.

Do you women realize how powerful that is? Living day by day giving love and nothing but love? It depletes people but that’s a super power you have right there.

My only question is… did you honor your reality?

While deriving strength and pleasure by serving those we love isn’t wrong, we can easily lose our own vision and ideology constantly serving. Don’t lose your vision. When you lose that, you lose your individuality.

What is it that’s most real about you?

No, don’t tell me how your life is your family, your kids, your spouse. We all know that. That love is universal. Tell me about the woman inside you.

Who are you? When you peel off all the layers of societal roles and duties, who is the person sitting inside you?

What does she love? What is she passionate about? Is she someone with weird tastes? Queer ideas? Strange hobbies? Weirder ideas and opinions? What did that woman inside you love to read? What was her take on politics? What ideas appealed to her? What was good parenting like, according to her? Did she hate cooking? Did she love it?

Did she believe in standing up for herself? If she had a strong voice, how many did she help? Was she shy? What could she have done to groom herself better?

What was her favorite subject? What intrigued her? What charged up her mind? Did she ever pursue learning? Privately even? Just on the phone on random websites?

Did she learn stuff and eventually form opinions? Was she brave to have opinions even when they didn’t find validation? Does she want to leave a legacy behind her? What was her vision? What did she want to leave others with?

As cliche as it sounds, you have it all in you. For someone who spends all her hours loving and nurturing people around her, this shouldn’t be difficult. The first and foremost step is to believe you have that energy in you to set things in motion when you put your mind to it.

While this sounds very lofty indeed, I will remind you of Al-Khwarizmi’s problem solving technique that’s bound to help you in all kinds of tasks.

You can use this problem solving principle and apply it to anything at all. This also includes your road to rediscovering yourself.

The power you can exercise can be as epic as leaving an inspirational legacy behind or deciding whether you want to go by the book when capitalizing your titles.

I just decided I’ll be making my own rule. Period.

Want to read something similar?

Check out my recent post on How To De-Clutter Your Thought Process.

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Leave A Comment

  1. Sidrah September 11, 2020 at 6:45 pm

    Mehreen you are doing great. May Allah bless you with more power & strength ♥️

  2. Huma Talha December 13, 2020 at 5:17 pm

    Nicely written , a truly thoughtful provoking piece. Keep exploring your powers!

  3. Saima December 13, 2020 at 7:27 pm

    Your every word resonates with me. It’s beautiful. Deep thoughts very well articulated. 😘

  4. Barirah Butt July 5, 2021 at 7:07 pm

    This is really helpful Maheen! This was just something like my inner voice penned down by a soul sister.
    Thought provoking and appreciating..

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